Grant's reverse-evolution

Last falls PBS premiered a new children's show that airs every morning called Dinosaur Train. I have personally come to really enjoy the show, and it has done a fantastic job of making Grant and Christian up and coming dinosaur experts. I also loved dinosaurs as a child, and the way this show is put together is ingenious in my humble opinion. The songs "Hungry, Hungry Herbivore," and "Every Dinosaur Poops" should be required viewing for children of all ages world-wide.

A couple nights ago, this dinosaur fascination reached new heights in our family. Grant was chasing Christian around the house after dinner with a T-Rex toy he has, and that quickly turned into me suddenly getting eaten by this toy. As I rose from my chair and declared my lack of fear for a tyrannosaurus-rex, justified by my bold announcement of being a Daddysaurus-rex, I delighted in the screams of my two oldest sons as they ran down the hallway towards their bedroom to get away from the family's newest version of the daddymonster. My joy was short lived...

Upon reaching their bedroom, the boys realized that they had effectively trapped themselves and guaranteed their quick demise. This epiphany held Christian in wide-eyed giggling fear as the Daddysaurus-Rex slowly came down the hallway, shaking the whole house with each step. But this epiphany did not have the same effect on Grant. In one of those moments of fatherhood that completely amazes you, my oldest son stepped in front of his younger brother and thundered at me in complete and total defiance of his fear the following:

"I'm not scared of the big bad Daddysuarus-Rex, because I'm a Monkeylawfulsaurus!!! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

After this shockingly brazen statement of fearlessness, I did not have a moment to think or act or respond in any sort of way before I had this new and unknown creature flying down the hallway at me with nothing in its eyes other than reckless abandon. Imagine my confusion and shock- I was the Daddysuarus-Rex, the terrifying king of the household, and I was suddenly being attacked, ATTACKED, buy this strangely courageous new villain. So great was my shock that I could not respond, I was spellbound by the defiance, the boldness, and the hilarity of my sudden change of circumstance. "Monkeylawfulsaurus? How the heck did he come up with that?" I thought to myself as I was pushed down the hallway and into my bedroom by my new nemesis. I was still chuckling at the name of my attacker as I was shoved onto my bed face-down. My mirth, however, quickly turned to utter horror as the reality of what a Monkeylawfulsuarus was capable of doing to a Daddysaurus-rex. Who would think that such a silly little creature with such an hysterical name, would be so devastating? My laughter became screams as the Monkeylawfulsuarus ferociously plunged his face into the small of my back, shaking his head violently back and forth, roaring like a bloodthirsty demon, and using JUST enough teeth to make me wonder if I was about to get bitten for real. The worst part was that it tickled. It tickled TERRIBLY!!! For a solid five minutes I lay face-down on my bed writhing in agony, screaming like a little girl while under the assault of this fiendishly wicked man-eating monster. I begged for mercy, I screamed for help, I flailed anything I could flail, but it was to no avail. From the dining room I faintly heard those most cruel words ever shouted, condemning me to my fate:

"Sorry I can't help you right now, I'm feeding Justin."

Eventually, the villain had his fill and victoriously climbed off his prey, turned off the light, and left the room, shutting the door behind him while I was gasping and choking for air. Never before have I known such fear. It is difficult for me to sleep at night now, knowing there is a Monkeylawfulsuarus lurking in the very next room. I do not know if I will ever be attacked by one again, but it is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I have been permanently scarred, psychologically speaking, from this terrifying event. Does Aflac cover Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? I should look into this. In the mean time:

FEAR THE MONKEYLAWFULSAURUS!!! AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS!!!